I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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