so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
