If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
