Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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