it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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