he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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