she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
time to smoke my breakfast
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
