One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
