I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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