If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
