Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
