I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
