their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
false alarm, still single
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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