yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
