i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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