She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wish you could order shots online.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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