very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
