Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
