He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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