remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize