My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
