Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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