....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
should my penis look like a turkey
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
