I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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