Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Can Purell be used as lube?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
