I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
