Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
