why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
