You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
