Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
