I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
