I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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