fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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