I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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