the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
