Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize