You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
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Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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