I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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