I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
