I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
