I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
