I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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