Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
