We're facebook friends in real life
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
