your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
