What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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