I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
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