you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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