i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
