Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
