You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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