Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
