Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
