I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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