He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
