i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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