just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
