I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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