And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
is wine microwaveable?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
