He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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