i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my being single is dangerous.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
