you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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