dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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