Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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