we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
