i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
