I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
