I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
