where am i from again
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
